Argh! I am crushed. So totally disappointed. I really really thought this was my big break, my golden opportunity, the sure thing. I figured that even if she didn’t like my work (the very idea of which seemed completely foreign to me), she would at least refer me to someone else within her agency or at the very very least, give me some good advice about improving my work to make it more appealing to the next agent (or more marketable). But I got nothing, absolutely nothing. I am right back where I started months and months ago, now rejected and dejected.
I’ve wavered now for the past week between feeling completely discouraged, like “What is the point? Clearly this isn’t any good, clearly no one wants to read a book about a baby with cancer,” to just plugging ahead because — well, because plugging ahead is what I do — but also because I know, I know, this is a damn good book. I reread the beginning of it right after hearing from Kelly, thinking I might discover some glaring problem, and all I could think was, “Wait, this is really good!”
I’m not saying it’s perfect or that I’m perfect. It can always get better and I think it does every time I open the document. But it is a good book. And I believe it deserves to be published.
So, it’s back to the drawing board. Back to the query letter which, as you know, is my least favorite part of this process and which I actually thought I might manage to skip. That will be my project when I’m in Chautauqua with the boys, reworking that damn letter and identifying a few more agents to query. Kelly was very encouraging, sorry it didn’t work, told me to keep going, not to give up, this will happen. I have to remember that her interest in my writing is a positive in and of itself. She is a best selling author after all.
And when I need to remind myself of what really matters in life, I have this: