You know, you would think, after all we’ve been through, that we would learn not to get too comfortable. That we would somehow always be ready, forever on our toes, prepared for whatever comes.

And yet instead, we learn to adapt so quickly that it feels almost seamless. We move fluidly from good to bad to good again. From pessimism to optimism, from despair to hope.

And back again.

Austin had an ultrasound yesterday morning, one month after his last. The cystic lesion that we’ve been watching, the cause of all of our recent worry, has remained the same, no changes, no growth. Which is exactly what we wanted it to do. And which is all that we thought to hope for.

But, of course, as we should know by now, as we should have come to expect, there’s something else. Always, always something else to worry about.

Right near the cystic lesion is a very small mass, probably solid and definitely new. The “new” factor is the most alarming. He had a scan six weeks ago and an ultrasound four weeks ago and this thing was not there then but is there now. Which means, of course and unfortunately, that it’s probably cancer. New cancer.

But (there always a “but” after the good and the bad), we’re not sure. Dr. Auletta has recommended a repeat ultrasound in two weeks which would give us enough time to do a surgery before Christmas if it has indeed grown. If it hasn’t grown, we would probably wait until after the holidays for his regularly scheduled CT scan and then take any necessary action after that.

So the pendulum swings again. We felt so good, relieved, “over it,” for the past ten days. And now we’re back again, on the cusp of surgery and likely kidney failure and all that comes with it. There are many unknowns as of now, but if it is indeed a recurrence, he would likely need some cancer treatment as well, in the form of radiation or chemo in addition to dialysis.

Here we go again.